Pitch Doctor: Batman Movies

There's been a lot of reaction to Robert Pattinson's name being tied to Batman.  Which I'm not sure if it was officially confirmed, but we're all treating it as such.  Interestingly I haven't seen any negative reactions to the news, but everyone seems defensive over it.

I don't hold any grudges over Twilight (because that's ridiculous and it was when Twilight was popular too).  But I haven't seen his other work, although I've heard great things.  Part of the appeal I'm assuming is that fans are going to get a super method actor with indie cred to play Batman.  And that interest me as much, because I think we take Batman way too seriously overall.  We're getting a dark angry Joaquin Phoenix Joker movie later this year and that just isn't what I want to see anymore.  We've had decades of dark comics, the Nolan movies, video games, etc.  Everything just seems to be a comment on Frank Miller and Alan Moore, and I think there is more to the character.

So what would I do?  Glad you asked!  Here is my pitch for a Batman trilogy.

Movie 1- Batman: Gotham on Fire

In a world where Mission: Impossible and Fast and Furious movies are beloved, I really think that is the direction Batman should go.  Everybody knows this character so there isn't any need for major world building, you can just jump right into an action movie.  The first movie would essentially be Mad Max: Fury Road in Gotham.  Bane would break every villain out of Arkham, so Batman and his allies spend a night trying to secure the city.  So huge action, but nothing more complicated than a toy box of action figures tipping over.

Scale wise this would be a really bad night for Batman, but he's done this before.  This is not his first time meeting anybody, the relationships are already in place.  I know that fans get nervous when there are too many villains in movies.  But just think of the Arkham inmates as henchman in an action movie, a bunch of varied set pieces for the hero.  The benefit here is the henchman aren't just generic nameless faces, they all have appealing personalities.  (This may be a bit ridiculous, but I would set up the story as having the president coming to visit Wayne Enterprises the next day so Batman is trying to get everyone back in Arkham so the president will be impressed with Gotham).

My choice for Batman is Jason Sudeikis.  Like I've said I'm over serious, mopey Batman.  I think we are due for someone who can give shades of Adam West.  Sudeikis has great dramatic credits, but his sketch experience in particular is perfect for playing off so many villains.  He was often the straight lead on SNL, he is definitely able to ground something like this.  Not casting him to do a caricature, but he'd keep this entertaining.

For the rest of the cast I'd have Timothy Dalton as Alfred (I came up with that before Doom Patrol was announced).  Gotham PD would have Dennis Quaid as Gordon, Ana Ortiz as Renee Montoya and Val Kilmer as Harvey Bullock (so Gordon and Bullock are both played by Doc Holiday).  There would be appearances from Nightwing (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, because I'm fine with continuity nods) and Batgirl (Geraldine Viswanathan).

But the rest of the cast would be the villains, the most in any superhero movie.  Joker (Bill Hader), Catwoman (Rashida Jones), Riddler (John Cho), Poison Ivy (Bryce Dallas Howard), Harley Quinn (Kate McKinnon), Bane (Danny Trejo), Scarecrow (Neil Patrick Harris), Mr. Freeze (Mark Rylance), Man-Bat (Doug Jones), Clayface (voice of Kevin Michael Richardson), Two-Face (Kevin Bacon).  An all-star ensemble kind of in the style of an Irwin Winkler disaster movie where there is a huge cast of notable actors.  Except here the superstars are the disaster sequences!

Justin Lin would be my top choice for a director, he can really elevate ensemble casts and ridiculous action.  I would reassemble the Kong: Skull Island writers Dan Gilroy, Max Borenstein, Derek Connolly for this because this would be similar to that ridiculous movie.

Movie 2- Batman World

This would be the darker second movie, but still ridiculous and over the top.  It would start with Bruce Wayne flying to a business conference in India, but his plane gets taken down and he lands in an unknown desert.  He would then discover that this was orchestrated by Ra's al Ghul who assembled the world's greatest fighters to compete to join the League of Shadows, whether they want to or not.  So yeah, this is Batman in a martial arts competition film.  Mirroring the various fight scenes from the first movie, without repeating it.

This would be a big international cast.  The only other returning cast member I'd have besides Sudeikis would be Timothy Dalton who would video conference before the plane goes down and picks up Bruce Wayne at the end (spoiler, Batman survives without joining the League of Shadows).  Ra's al Ghul would be played by Oded Fehr, who's voiced the character before.  The competitors would include Talia al Ghul (Yasmine al Massri), Lady Shiva (Li Bingbing), Cassandra Cain (Jing Tian), Deathstroke (Liam Hemsworth), Jean-Paul Valley (Omar Sy) and Batman's former mentor Kirigi (Hiroyuki Sanada, who I came up with before Endgame).

I would have Lexi Alexander direct this.  In addition to directing action she has actual fighting experience, which can be important for understanding how to choreograph and shoot a movie like this.  I would have Stephen Chow write the movie.

Movie 3- Gotham Detective

I like the idea of a trilogy getting smaller in scale.  Start off with a bang and keep growing the characters.  The third movie would be the return to Gotham.  Catwoman (Jones), Joker (Hader) and Riddler (Cho) escaped Arkham again and are working with the new addition of the Penguin (Fred Armisen, who already has chemistry with a lot of the cast).  There's some mystery that involves Batman (Sudeikis) being suspicious of Gotham PD (Quaid, Ortiz, Kilmer).

This is the movie where we can flesh out Bruce's relationships with Gordon, Catwoman, the Joker and especially Alfred (Dalton) who will essentially play the sidekick role.  I don't have much for plot, but Batman is a detective and we still have't had him in a detective movie.

Gillian Flynn would have to write this, because she is the best at modern pulp films.  I'd reteam her with Steve McQueen (I'm a huge fan of the underseen Widows, which is actually a pretty good template for a Batman mystery film).

That's my pitch for a new series of Batman movies.  I wouldn't try for more than three in this series, but Sudeikis and others definitely could cross over into a Justice League movie.

So all of my loyal readers from Warner Bros., feel free to leave your contact info in the comments section.  I am sure you will get in touch with me about starting this very soon.